Finding My Way
by cherryXbomb
Summary: Bright ponders that night on the porch with Hannah.


**Title: **Finding My Way

**Author: **cherryXbomb

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Everwood, otherwise Bright and Hannah would already be together.

**Author's Note:** I am a huge Bright and Hannah shipper. I'm also a huge Andy/Nina and Ephram/Amy shipper. They are the only things that need to be on the show. LOL. I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Spoilers: **Up to the February 7, 2005 episode (I don't know the titles)

**Summary:** Bright ponders that night on the porch with Hannah.

**Begin**

When I told her that she was brave and cool and everything, I meant it more than I thought I did. I mean, she is cool and she is awesome and she is brave. She's more awesome and brave and cool than any of the other girls that I've ever known.

I'm not good at the feelings thing. Ephram pinned me well. I'm a pretty face attached to a hollow shell, but she didn't care about that. She saw more than a hollow shell when she saw me. She saw more than a pretty face too. She saw someone that could be better and could be much better.

I remember last year when I worked my ass off to get into college and I remember the disappointment when I didn't even get into State. Somehow, that disappointment didn't even compare to the disappointment I felt when she went for me and didn't try to kiss me. But I'm not going to tell Amy or Ephram that I wanted her to kiss me that night on the porch.

But I still replay everything in my mind. I still replay every word that I told her and the tears falling from her chocolate eyes. I remember going home feeling like even though I didn't get into State last year, I could try now and get into Yale or Princeton or some good school that Amy could get into and probably will get into. I felt smart and... and perfect.

I know that she could be the best thing that ever happens to me. I know that she could make me forget for a moment that I'm the reason that Colin is dead. Hell, Amy and Ephram don't even know that every night I have trouble sleeping because I feel like I killed my best friend. But that isn't important right now. What's important is figuring out how I feel about her... Hannah.

If I were Amy, I'd look at it from a logical view and make lists and over analyze and obsess everything. If I were Ephram I think I'd sit there, playing the piano for hours and hours, brooding. If I were Laynie, I would run away to boarding school and never have to think about why I left. If I were Colin, I'd come right out and say what was bugging me. But I'm not Amy or Ephram or Laynie or Colin. I'm Bright Abbot and I have to figure this out on my own.

So I guess I can figure this out my way, whatever that way could be. I mean, I think that my way usually consists of making out with some random chick from my work place or something like that, but I don't think that that's a good thing right now. I mean, I could fall in love with Hannah and I think that I don't deserve her. Hell, I even told her that.

"Hey Bright, I'm staying here tonight" Amy said, walking into my apartment, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What's wrong, little sister" I asked, hinting the anger in her voice.

"I'm not talking to Ephram. I'm not talking to Dad. I'm not talking to Mom. The only one that I'm talking to is you" she told me with a smirk.

"Why aren't you talking to Ephram or our parents" I asked.

I guess my way was pushing what was bothering me to the back of my mind and focusing on my little sister. That's what I did when I was a kid and some kid stole my shovel in the sandbox, or in middle school when that same kid stole my girlfriend. And it would be a hell of a lot easier to figure out what's wrong with me and why I feel this way when I think of her.

"Ephram applied me at Princeton and I got in and now Mom and Dad are pressuring me to go to Princeton when I don't really want to go to Princeton... or at least I don't think I want to go to Princeton" Amy told me.

"Why are you mad at Ephram" I asked her.

"Because I told him that I didn't want to go to Princeton" she told me.

"Maybe he put in an application for you because he loves you. He doesn't want you to throw your life away and Princeton isn't that far away from most conservatories" I told her.

"If he really loved me, then he wouldn't have put in an application and wrote an essay for me at a school I'm not sure I want to go to" Amy argued.

"You've wanted to go to Princeton since you were like five" I told her. "That was probably your first word."

"I wanted to go to Princeton until I met him" Amy told me. "But then I was willing to throw it all away so I could be near him."

"But he didn't want you to throw it all away. I think that if you really love someone, you have to make them do things that they don't want to do sometimes."

"Like get a test" Amy asked.

"What are you talking about" I asked.

"Hannah's getting a test to see if she has Huntington's today" Amy told me.

I flashed back to the conversation on the porch. I told her to live each day like it's her last. She must have taken it to mean that she should take the test and figure out when that life would've ended.

"Like taking a test or going to a college that you always wanted to go to" I told her.

"Why don't you just say it Bright" Amy asked.

"Say what"

"That I should go talk to Ephram and that I'm stupid for not wanting to go to Princeton and that maybe I shouldn't limit myself just because I'm in love with a guy who needs to go to a conservatory"

"I wasn't going to say that Ames" I told her with a smile. "But it's true and obviously you know it so go do it."

"Thanks Bright" Amy said, turning around and walking out the door.

I sat on that couch for a few minutes and then made a decision. I ran outside and jumped in my car. I drove the three hours to the hospital and ran to the Huntington's testing room. On the way down the hall, I ran into someone. We both fell and I stood up, needing to get to her and hold her hand during the testing. "I'm sorry, I'm just in a hurry."

"Bright"

"Hannah" I asked in response.

"What are you doing here" Hannah asked me, looking at me with her dark eyes.

"I heard you were getting tested and I wanted to be there for you" I told her. I thought again about that night on that porch and stood up. I offered her my hand and pulled her up with me. "Hannah, I think I made a really big mistake when I didn't kiss you that night on the porch or when I turned you down fifty million times."

"What" she asked.

I didn't say anything. Instead, I kissed her. That one kiss was more powerful than all the kisses with the girls that I made out with in my years. I didn't care that I might never be able to get her in the sack or that I might lose her one day, but at that moment, I knew that I had found my way. I was like Colin and I was like Ephram and Amy and even Laynie a little bit. I needed to brood and obsess and run away but eventually I just come right out and do whatever it is that I need to do.

"I like you Hannah. And I think that we should be together. Will you go out with me" I realized that I was nervous. I hadn't been nervous around a girl in years, not since I was fifteen and lost my virginity.

"Yeah" Hannah said shyly.

"Good because I think over these last couple of months, I think I accidentally fell in love with you" I told her. I felt so much like Amy right then, saying those three words that I had never said to a girl before.

"I think I might have accidentally fallen in love with you too."

And I kissed her one more time. I didn't worry about what could happen the next day. I just wanted to live today like it was my last day and I wanted to spend that day with her. "One more thing, I need to go get a college application from State."

"You going to apply"

"I think so."


End file.
